


Nothing has to Change

by In_agony_and_ecstasy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Fingering, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, Trans Male Character, Trans!Sasha, armin is the best, asexual!Armin, bisexual!jean, can you believe it, connie is ignorant, erejean - Freeform, for once Jean doesn't fuck up, springles - Freeform, trans!eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-12 02:29:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3340214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/In_agony_and_ecstasy/pseuds/In_agony_and_ecstasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren and Jean have been dating for a month, and Jean is starting to wonder why Eren is so distant. Eren is nervous to come out to Jean as trans, because he's afraid Jean will react poorly. When Eren finally tells him, Jean reacts better than Eren could have ever expected, because Jean has already helped his friend, Connie, through the same situation with his girlfriend Sasha. </p><p>Jean is so supportive that Eren gains the courage to finally move forward in their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing has to Change

**Author's Note:**

> There is some transphobic language in this fic, because Connie is so ignorant at first. He equates gender to genitalia a few times. There are no slurs, or blatantly hateful statements, but Jean uses some pretty blunt descriptions that lack any sensitivity toward the subject. Also, Eren is put in an uncomfortable situation when he has to essentially explain to Jean what being trans means.
> 
> If any of this sounds like it would make you uncomfortable, although I assure you my goal here is not to support a transphobic message, please don't read it. Thank you for understanding.
> 
> For those of you still interested, please enjoy!

We’d been dating for something like a month, I didn’t know. I didn’t keep track, and neither did he, so it didn’t matter.

But I had started to get worried. Sure, I had dated people longer than a month without having sex with them, and if he didn’t want to, that was cool. Whatever. I had my right hand and a nice, big screen TV. I’d get by.

But I didn’t think I’d ever dated anyone longer than a month without sex even being brought up. Any time our kissing had gotten heavy, any time my lips veered a little too far away from his neck, or my hands away from the small of his back, he was pulling himself away from me and calling me a horny loser. I wanted to bring it up, but something in the expression on his face made me think that I probably shouldn’t.

I’d contemplated everything.

Was he ace? But Armin would have warned me. Actually, Armin wouldn’t have set him up with me if Armin didn’t think we’d work out. 

Okay then, was he like…saving himself? That didn’t make sense to me either. Not only was he openly gay, but he never went to church either. I didn’t think it would be for religious reasons. 

Then I really started losing my mind. What if it was something else? What if he’d been raped or something? I didn’t think I was the type of guy that could…could be the kind of support someone in that situation would need. I was kind of an asshole, actually, given that I hadn’t hesitated to call him a prude and a tease. I hadn’t exactly meant it, and I thought he knew that, but maybe it’d done more damage than I ever realized.

Bottom line was, I was starting to think it was me. Maybe he wasn’t into me. Maybe I wasn’t attractive to him. Most the time this seemed impossible to me. Of course I was attractive. But, I only successfully thought that way while simultaneously refusing to think of how I looked in the mirror that morning. 

So, a month or so in, he came over to my place on a Saturday night. We took it to my bedroom. That wasn’t unusual, or anything. My apartment was tiny, and the Wi-fi was pretty particular about where it wanted to work, so if I wanted to watch Netflix on my laptop, I had to sit in the very corner of my bed against the wall. 

We’d been watching Guardians of the Galaxy, and I was pretty proud of myself for getting through almost all of the movie before even kissing him. My arm was draped around his brown shoulders. His head was against my chest, and his dark bangs were sprawled out all over the place. He’d looked damn cute, and so I had bent down to kiss him. At the angle I was at though, I’d only managed to kiss his ear. 

He had shivered, and bit his lip. A second later he was blushing and I realized, shit.

Eren got turned on when his ears were touched. 

I bent down to kiss his ear again, dragging my tongue along his earlobe. He sighed, green eyes rolling back just a bit, before he sat up and kissed me on the mouth. His lips were insistent on me, kissing me hard and roughly in a way he hadn’t ever done. His teeth bit onto my lip and I was a goner.

I had groaned, shoving my laptop that was a little too expensive to be shoved off my lap, so that I could pull him into my arms. He straddled me, and I about sobbed when he ground down against me. My hands – without my permission – gripped onto his ass. As soon as I realized I shouldn’t do that I started to pull away. He placed his hands over mine, keeping them where they were.

I smiled, and kissed into his neck. “Look so damn sexy,” I breathed. “God, I want you.”

His body had stiffened like someone had dropped ice cubes down his shirt. I ripped my hands away from him and put them up in surrender.

“Whoa, we don’t have to, relax,” I said.

He hesitated, his eyes searching mine. His fingers threaded through my blond undercut and he bit his lip again. This time it wasn’t because he was turned on, it was because he was nervous. I realized his hands were trembling.

“Are you a virgin?” I asked, because I had no self-control. 

He nodded. “But it’s not that.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Is it me?”

He shook his head.

“Then what?” I asked. “It’s – I mean, it’s whatever. Like we don’t have to fuck, that’s fine. But it isn’t cool to keep shit from me. That _is_ a problem.”

He nodded, taking a shaky breath as he pulled himself off of me. He sat cross-legged on the bed next to me. He was blushing again, but like biting his lip, it wasn’t because he was turned on anymore. He was embarrassed.

I reached for his hand, and he gripped onto it a little too hard.

“What the hell, Eren? What’d I do?” I asked, leaning toward him. My other hand was tight in the sheets. I didn’t think it was likely I’d done something to piss him off. Because, oh fuck, did I ever know when I did something wrong. He made sure of it. So it couldn’t be that. Still, I had to ask. It had taken me a long time to learn this, but usually, if something happened between me and another person, it was my fault. Now whenever I had an argument I would just get blaming myself out of the way.

“You didn’t do anything,” he said. “But uh…I gotta tell you something. But I don’t want you to freak out.”

I winced. Nothing good could come of this. 

“Okay.” My voice cracked a bit, fearing the worst. The adrenaline was trickling already in preparation. My skin felt too tight.

“I’m uh…I’m trans,” he said under his breath.

I stared at him, unable to even focus on his expression. “You’re what?”

“Trans. Like I was uh…I was assigned female at birth?”

I still couldn’t respond. My thoughts were taking forever to load. 

He sighed and it morphed into a groan. “Dude…I don’t have a dick, okay?”

It brought me back to a time I was sitting in my car with Connie. We were freshmen in college and he’d just started dating Sasha, a girl who would one day be one of my best friends, although I hadn’t known it at the time. 

He’d called me to come pick him up because Sasha had gotten in a fight with him and he hadn’t driven there.

When I had pulled up to her house, he had come jogging out of there and had hopped into my car. Almost instantly he’d curled up in the seat, wrapping his hands around his buzzed head and just heaving he had been crying so hard.

“That bad?” I had asked, “Dude, what the hell happened?”

His eyes met mine. They were hazel, just like mine. But virtually everything else about us was different. He had skin as dark as charcoal, and if it was sunny enough out I might disappear. He was really short, scrawny in his appearance. I had been in wrestling all through high school and had gained quite a bit of muscle over the years. 

“Dude she’s – he’s…I don’t know,” he rasped, shaking his head. 

“Wait – he – wait, what? What happened with Sash?” I asked.

“She has a dick, dude."

We had stared at each other for a long time. I had pursed my lips, resting my head against the back of my seat as I mulled his words over. He was surprised by my reaction, because he had thought that I was going to freak out like he had. I could tell. He thought that I was going to lose my shit and be like ‘no way! That’s fucked up!’ but I didn’t, and at the time I didn’t know why I didn’t. I tried thinking of what Armin would do, because Lord knew, he’d probably do it right. 

“Say something,” Connie begged.

I reached for my keys, to start my car, then decided not to. He wasn’t done here yet.

“So?” I asked.

“So she’s – I mean he’s a dude,” he replied. He wiped his eyes, shaking his head. They were all bloodshot from crying. For a moment, I was pissed off at him. When I had told him I was bi, he had accepted it the same way most people did when I told them that I was a natural brunet or that I was born in April. It was just a fact about me. He had always been so relaxed about my sexuality that when people asked me how he felt about me liking dudes, I often replied, “Connie’s straight, but if we woke up naked in the same bed together he’d probably shrug and go make breakfast.”

That was the type of confidence I had in his level of tolerance. Now he was making me doubt it. Which was scary because…I was _me_. My temper was short, my tolerance was thin, and usually I needed someone like Connie around to keep my head on straight. I relied on him for that. Seeing him like this scared the shit out of me. 

I shook my head. “Did she _say_ she was a dude?”

“He didn’t need to,” he replied, “I saw.”

I shook my head. “That’s fucked up dude. That’s – when you called me I thought something bad happened. Not this bull shit.”

“What? You’d freak out too,” he replied. Then he thought about it, as he pulled his seatbelt on. “”I mean – Okay, maybe _you_ wouldn’t, but that’s easy for you to say. You like either.”

I shook my head, even though he had a point. I liked both, and when he asked me what it was like to be bisexual when we first met, I wasn’t exactly able to explain it to him because I didn’t truly understand only being attracted to one gender. People were hot. It was just a body. A body didn’t make a person who they were. 

If you found a girl sexy as hell, and loved being around her, and got turned on by her and wanted to fuck her, and found out she had a dick…why’d it make a difference? It wasn’t like anything changed. You put your dick in a different spot and got on with it. Who cared? A lot of people, apparently. 

But my sexuality wasn’t a factor in my opinion here. I didn’t think, anyway. I liked Sash. And hell yeah, she was a cute girl. I had thought so when I met her, and probably would have asked her out myself if Connie hadn’t. The thing was, what made me attracted to her was different than what made me attracted to a dude, and knowing that she had a dick didn’t change that. It wasn’t like I was attracted to her as a dude now. She was still Sasha, and she was still a cute ass girl. 

“This isn’t about being bisexual,” I said. “This…this is different than that.”

“How?” he asked.

“It’s like when people tell me they’d never date a bisexual, okay? It’s taking everything that I am, and reducing me to just _bisexual_. Or like…how do you feel when a white person says they’d never date a black person?”

He was quiet for a moment. Then he shook his head. “But that’s racist,” he replied, “It’s different. It’s like saying we’re all the same. Or like, my skin is all that matters.”

“Yeah,” I replied, “And you acting like nothing else matters about Sash – even though you liked her up until this point – is kind fucking messed up. You like her, man. So what’s changed? Why does it matter?”

“She’s a guy.” 

“You didn’t see her that way until now,” I replied, “She wasn’t before this, and she won’t be tomorrow either. It doesn’t work that way. She has a dick, but…I mean say some crazy accident happened and you didn’t have a dick anymore. Would that make you a girl?”

“No…but, I was born a guy.”

“And she was born a girl.” I shrugged. He stared at me like I’d said nothing but gibberish. To be honest I wasn’t entirely sure I could explain my own thinking, but it made more sense than what he was saying. 

He kept staring. He didn’t look like he was going to argue anymore. He looked like a wreck, actually. He looked like at any moment he might shatter. He really, really liked Sasha. I’d been hearing about it for weeks. Not too long ago he’d said she was his dream girl.

“Listen,” I said, “I get that – that everyone has a type. Everyone has their deal-breakers. And maybe…maybe this is a deal-breaker for you, I don’t know. But don’t you think it’s a little fucked up that a half hour ago you wanted to get in her pants and this somehow changed that? You told me a week ago you were going to marry her and now…now that doesn’t matter anymore? She had a dick then too, man. It’s not like she’s a different person.”

He shook his head. “Can you just drive me home? I have to – I have to think.”

I sighed, but did as he asked. It wasn’t my problem if he wanted to fuck this up. 

But two weeks later, he called her. They talked for hours on the phone. There was some yelling. Connie said some stupid things, not surprisingly. But by the end of the phone call he was laughing.

He agreed to see her again. I didn’t really know how it all worked out. At first he told me they were just friends, but at least he’d stopped calling her a man. After that, whenever he came home from her place he became really quiet. When I asked him what was wrong, he would just look at me and say that he wished things could have worked out. 

Finally I yelled at him. “Just fucking get back together with her then!”

“I can’t,” he replied.

“Why not?”

“You know why.”

“No. No, I don’t know! But I _do_ know that I’ve never seen you as happy with anyone but her. I know that you’re constantly checking your phone to see if she called. I know you can’t stop talking about her. And I know I catch you staring at her all the time. You fucking like her, and the only reason you won’t go out with her is because you can’t accept that you like a girl like her.” I’d thrown my hands up in the air, practically screaming at him. He rubbed the back of his neck, and sighed. Toward the end of my rant, he was nodding. 

“I know, I know,” he had said, “God, I know, okay? You’re right. I’m just…still getting used to it.”

“So get used to it _while you date her_ ,” I had groaned.

He asked her out. They’d been dating ever since. I never saw Connie anymore unless she was with him. She wore a ring, although they hadn’t planned a date. He’d gotten over his qualms about having sex with her, and had even asked me for advice, because he was so inexperienced with her body. He chewed out anyone who said a damn thing to him, and punched somebody who had said they were a gay couple once. 

When I had gone off on Connie about this, I hadn’t realized what I was really saying. In fact, I didn’t think I even knew what people like Sasha were called. Since then, I’d learned some things of course. Sasha had taught me as much as she’d taught Connie. But at the time, I’d just been yelling at Connie because he was supposed to be my accepting, laid-back friend, and he was screwing everything up because of something I could personally never understand being upset over.

Now I knew what I’d been really trying to tell Connie. 

I grinned, only now realizing how relieved I was. I had assumed, when Eren told me he had something to tell me, that it was going to be something that would either piss me off, or something that I would react poorly enough to that Eren would get pissed off. I thought this was the moment we were about to have the fight that would break us up.

But it wasn’t. Thank God, it was something I wouldn’t fuck up. Something I could handle. Something I understood. For once, in my twenty two years of fucking shit up with people I cared about, this wouldn’t be one of them. Eren wouldn’t be one of them. 

Eren’s terrified expression morphed into hope, bordering on tears. 

“It doesn’t matter that you’re trans,” I said, rubbing his cheek with my thumb. 

“Really?” he choked.

“I wish you would have told me sooner. Like when we met. But I get why you didn’t.”

Eren was quiet, and I think it was because he was shocked. He’d been expecting this to be our downfall too, and he was relieved it wasn’t. I grinned even more broadly. 

“Why were you afraid to tell me?” I asked, even though I knew why. I just wanted to hear him be wrong about me, so I could bask in the glory of not fucking up. 

“I mean…I knew you liked girls,” he said, “So – so I knew like _my body_ wouldn’t be a problem. But I didn’t – I don’t want you to see me that way. And I didn’t know if – if you’d understand. If you’d think I was a girl, now.”

I laughed, and covered my mouth, because he glared at me. I almost had to physically wipe the smile off my face though. And even then it didn’t work. I laughed again, harder this time, only because Eren just so obviously wasn’t a girl. 

It was hard to explain, but I thought the amount of times he had threatened to punch me, and the amount of times our kissing had turned into wrestling, and the amount of times we’d gotten in fights over a flag in a football game just made it really unlikely I would have ever assumed he was a girl. Nothing about him was girlish. His body was slender, effeminate I supposed, but I’d just never seen it that way. I’d never seen his body as anything other than a nuisance, causing me to get a fucking boner at the worst possible times, I swore. 

He rolled his eyes. “Are you done?”

I shook my head, unable to contain another chuckle. “I’m done, I’m done. Sorry.”

“I was serious, ya’ know,” he replied, deadpanning.

I nodded, forcing my face to be stern. “I know. But you don’t have to worry, okay? Relax.”

He nodded, and his eyes flitted toward me sheepishly. “You don’t think any differently of me do you?”

I shook my head. We were quiet in that moment, as he reached for my hand. My thumb stroked his fingers.

I had been so stressed about this, and now the relief was so thorough in my limbs I didn’t think I would move the rest of the night. I closed my eyes, ready to tug him down with me and go to bed. 

“So do you…uh…do you still want to…?” 

Nevermind.

“What?” I slurred, cracking one of my eyes open. 

“Do you…ya’ know…?” he said, groaning, and covering his face. “Do you wanna have sex?”

I cleared my throat, with some difficulty, because my brain wasn’t quite in gear yet. “Uh…Were you serious? You’re a virgin?”

I would have screamed ‘hell yes!’ if it weren’t for that. He was twenty two years old too. It wasn’t like he was too young. But still, it was a big deal no matter how old he was. It was a big deal for anybody that chose to do it. 

He nodded. “Does that…does that bother you?”

“Well…I guess not. If it doesn’t bother you then I don’t care. Are you sure?”

He nodded. “It’s gotta happen eventually.”

I hesitated. God damn, did I ever want to, but when he said it like that it made me sick. I thought about Armin. I’d lost my virginity to Armin, and well…he’d said something similar when I was sixteen and would have taken what I could get. Years later he told me he was asexual and I was confronted with what I’d done. He’d said yes, but that wasn’t really enough. I wasn’t going to fuck this up a second time. 

I shook my head. “That’s not a good enough reason to do it.”

He bit his lip. “Are you going to make me say it?”

“Say what?” 

“I _want_ you to fuck me,” he mumbled.

“You do?” My entire body started burning up. 

“Really fucking bad,” he replied. “Wanted to since we started dating but…well you know.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

He smiled then and I pulled him into a kiss. It wasn’t heated like it had been before. There was time for rough, mind-numbing, hip-aching sex in the future. I wasn’t going to do that this time though. Now that I knew he was a virgin, and how particularly sensitive he was about his body, I had to make it right. As happy as I was I hadn’t fucked up earlier, there were an infinite number of opportunities waiting for me ahead. 

We kissed until I was rolling on top off him, then I pulled away.

“What?” he asked.

“One sec’,” I said, standing up from the bed. I tore my t-shirt off, then turned the light off. My blinds were open and the light from the street lamps shined in and casted long thing strips of illumination across the bed. My laptop glowed and whirred where it was on the bed. I clicked it shut, and placed it on my nightstand. The blinds rattled as I pulled them up so that our entire bed was brightened and I could see him better. 

I opened the drawer to my nightstand. I had a number of unspeakables in there, but I only took out a condom. The drawer thudded as I shut it, and I climbed back into bed with him.

His hands were shaking. I held them in my own. “You’re sure? Like one hundred percent positive? I don’t want – don’t wanna have to hate myself tomorrow.” 

He nodded. “I swear. I am. Just nervous.”

His eyes were so turquois green in this light, shiny and breath-taking, like looking up at a wave from underneath the water. My heart tripped just thinking about what I was about to do. I’d wanted to have sex with him for a while, but this wasn’t just the default excitement I got from normally having sex. This was more than that and my stomach was fluttering from it. 

I bit my lip as I eased myself over top of him again. We kissed as we started to undress. His body tensed a little when my fingers tugged at the hem of his shirt, but he let me take it off. Underneath he wore a binder, and I was suddenly amazed I’d never felt the stiff fabric through any of his clothing before. I ran my hands over it, but made no move to take it off.

“Wanna keep it on?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Uh, yeah it does. Would you rather keep it on?” 

He hesitated, but nodded. My hands moved on further down. They trailed down his taut stomach toward the hem of his sweatpants. Eren’s skin was brown, but his hair was even darker and there was the softest, baby happy trail curled up underneath his belly button. I ran my fingers through it a few times before I reached the hem of his pants. 

I started sliding them down. He wore boxers underneath, and I slid those off too. He wore nothing else, although I remembered that there’d been times I’d felt a bulge while straddling him. He must have had something to wear in his underwear, although I wouldn’t really know what to call it. It probably wasn’t the type of thing Sasha would have had any reason to teach me. 

My hands slid up and down his exposed body. He was just shaking, and it once again made me nervous to proceed.

I glanced up, so that his eyes met mine. They were much more confident than his body was. His gaze was steady on me. My hands slid up the insides of his thighs, feeling the hair prick at my palms as I did. He shivered, and when I paused, he nodded at me. I spread his legs, before I scooted up the bed to settle between them.

God damn he was so sexy. It wasn’t the body I had been expecting, but I was even more turned on than I’d expected to be. I would have never said it to him before I knew he was trans, because it wouldn’t have meant anything…but I fucking _loved_ eating someone out. 

I grinned at him. “So fucking hot,” I breathed. My hand trailed up and down the inside of his bronzed thighs and over his hips. “So sexy Eren, God, you don’t know what you do to me.”

“Yeah?” he asked. I met his gaze again.

“Yeah,” I replied, “Not gonna lie to you about something like that. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t fucking think you were sexy. You’re – God, I’m so turned on, you have no idea.”

I was hard in my jeans, throbbing and probably leaking too. It was a struggle not to rut against the fucking comforter. 

I kissed the inside of one of his thighs, sucking on the skin until I heard him gasp. His hand tangled in my hair, and stayed there as I continued mouthing at the crease between his leg and one of his lips. I kissed and sucked until his body was quaking, and he was lifting his ass trying to reach my mouth. I grinned, and kept teasing him, sucking on the skin until he cursed at me and told me to get on with it.

But I’d succeeded in getting him so impatient that he was no longer insecure.

I used my fingers to part both his lips, so that I wouldn’t get hair in my mouth, and bent my head downward. Again, I just kissed him at first, but now I was where he wanted my mouth to be and he moaned my name. He was so wet already, tasted so good and was so warm in my mouth. I let out a moan of my own as I began using my tongue, rotating it on him and barely touching him. So gentle, I wouldn’t have believed he could feel it if it weren’t for his stomach tightening and his hands tugging at my hair. I kept licking his clit, until I felt it throbbing against my tongue. My fingers slid inside of him, tenderly rotating on his sweet spot as I kept my tongue on him.

He was panting, and saying my name, and God he sounded so good. My cock twitched in my jeans. It was so confined it might have hurt if I wasn’t so distracted by his taste, by how tight he was around my fingers. So tight, and wet and warm as I thrust my fingers in and out. I moaned again, and it vibrated through him.

He shuddered. “Jean – Jean, fuck. I’m – God, I’m close.”

I kept going, spurred on by his words and he gasped, his fingers clenching and tugging at my hair. He rutted against my mouth and I let him because holy shit that was hot. My face was covered in his come. I could feel his pulse in his clit as I kept licking, and felt him clench around my fingers. I was going to be hard for the rest of my life.

“Jean!” he cried, “Jean, baby, I’m – I’m –”

His words slurred into his neediest, loudest moan yet as I finished him by sucking tenderly on his clit. He clenched around my fingers, contracting dozens of times in seconds, before he stopped panting and his body went limp in the sheets. He was still tight around my fingers as I pulled them out. I kissed up and down his thighs some more, wishing already that I could do it again.

Once he’d recovered, he looked at me like he’d just been to heaven and back. He shook his head. His eyes closed, and then his head slumped backward into the pillow. 

I grinned. “I’m fucking awesome at that, aren’t I?”

“Don’t let it go to your head, asshole.”

I kept grinning anyway. He didn’t want to say it, but I knew. And I was going to remind him every single day, probably around this time. Maybe in the morning too. Maybe I’d wake him up by reminding him. I wasn’t sure yet. There were just so many options.

I remembered that my face was plastered in his fucking come and wiped the back of my hand against it. 

“You’re not – we’re still going to have sex right?” he asked me, as I sat up in the bed.

I nodded, as I reached for the button on my jeans. Now that I’d made him come, I couldn’t ignore the ache any longer. I had to come. Had to, or I was going to fucking implode.

As I unzipped them, Eren reached for me, and moved my hand away from me. Like I had done to him, he sat up in the bed and began dragging my pants and boxers down. Once my clothing had been dropped on my bedroom floor, Eren returned his attention to me. He eyed me up and down, with an awed expression that made me blush. I was grateful that it was probably too dark for him to see.

His hands travelled up my thighs, and I hummed at the feeling. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t a virgin, I hadn’t been touched like this in months and my skin had missed the feeling of someone else’s hands caressing me.

Eren tentatively wrapped his hand around my cock, grasping me firmly and stroking me. I let out a whimper. I’d kept it waiting too long. I was already so damn sensitive.

“Hey,” I breathed, “hand me the condom, would ya’?”

He glanced around him until he spotted it on the bed, where it had drifted off in the sheets. He handed it to me. I ripped it open and slid it over me. Then I reached for him, and rolled him onto his back so that I was laying on top of him between his legs. 

Just before I was about to slide in, he asked me if it would hurt. 

“Maybe,” I told him honestly, “I’ll be careful, okay?”

He nodded, and then I was sinking into him. I gasped when I bottomed out. He was still so tight. My fingers sunk into the mattress and curled as I tried to grapple with my self-control. 

Glancing at Eren, I made sure he didn’t look uncomfortable. He didn’t. He looked almost like he was going to doze off. His eyes met mine, and he nodded. When I started thrusting, I kissed him. He wrapped his arms and legs around me, and feeling his ankles hook around my waist was about the best damn sensation there’d ever been.

I took it slowly, easing in and out of him so that I wouldn’t hurt him. Kissing him, one place or another, the whole time. I paid special attention to his ears, kissing, sucking, and nibbling on them. Whispering praises to him, I let my breath caress his ears as he moaned for me. 

His fingers sunk into my back then, and I knew he was turned on enough that he was no longer sensitive. I hitched one of his legs over my shoulder, and reached down to rub him while I kept thrusting. 

We became rigid together, and I fought to keep my composure until his back arched. He tightened around me, as he came, and then it was too much to bear. I groaned his name between kisses that were wet and sloppy, as I gave in, bucking my hips into him hard and unevenly. 

Our bodies were sweat-slicked, and clammy, clinging onto each other in the aftermath. Eventually my heart settled, and I pulled out of him. I tied the condom off and threw it in my waste paper basket before climbing in next to him. My body curled around his, pulling him close to my chest. I kissed his neck, absently. My eyelids were already heavy.

He patted my shoulder.

“Hmmm,” I mumbled. I was seconds away from sleeping. He pulled out of my arms, and I became conscious enough to worry that I’d upset him. My eyelids batted sleepily, as I sat up in bed, only to realize that he’d pulled away to take his binder off. He threw it on the floor, and then laid back down next to me. He scooted backward, until my only option was to wrap my arm around him. I hummed into his back, right between his shoulder blades, and kissed him. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. Part of me realized this was a big deal. It knew that Eren didn’t like to thank people, and he didn’t like to owe anyone anything. It was a big deal too, that he thought he had any reason to thank me for something I had desperately wanted to do. While I was too far gone to scold him for thinking he deserved anything less, I managed to shake my head against his back. 

We fell asleep together, naked and uncovered in my bedroom. In the morning, I kissed him awake, and we said we loved each other for the first time.


End file.
